I am Exhausted

Lately I am exhausted. My body pain, my back sore and my mood down. Everything wasn`t satisfed. I fell down, lost and bad for anything. I don`t know how I make better this happened. I just try but don`t do  maximum. I feel lost the direction. confused to do anything and my mind is full but empty. I wanna cry and shout. Why I am created to be a loser. I feel alone in the crush. Haa............................................. I want to scream to relieve the tightness in my chest. Ya Alloh Help me please, help me to make the situation better and benefit for me. Give me power to face it. 

Why  my heart  is difficult to receive it. It just commonly happens. Okay maybe a cup of coffe milk can be make me better. 

Eid Adha

         Today 6 Juni 2025 is Eid Adha. We are muslims celebrate it with happiness. Last afternoon I went to the mall to buy  groceries to prepare our day off. I ussualy prepare many meals for Eid Adha because I don`t want to expect giving from other. We are sure we will get the meat but I prepare to not hope because my rule of religion forbids that. We don`t  hope giving from other, the name is toma. 

        I planed to buy tilapia first but it was sold, then I bought sardines for friday`s breakfast. To break our fasting arafah I bought material of shoup like tomatoes, cabbage, celery, leeks, potatoes, tahu bakso, etc. Beside that I bougt geoceries like sugar, tempeh,and milk. I kept on fefrigerator after I came home. I manage  them so they are tidy on and easy to find. 

        In Friday`s morning I woke up early, I cooked rice, made tea, and fried tempeh for breakfast. I wake up my children to pray fajr. After praying fajr, my daugter took breakfast then prepared for praying Eid. This is the atmosphere at the mosque when we were Praying Eid Adha. 

After praying Eid we went to grave to pray our family who have died. When we come home we went to musolah preparing our qurban meats. We worked together and then share that to our people at our Rukun Tetanagga (RT)*. 

Note; 

Rukun Tetangga (RT) Is the smallest organization in Indonesia is a community institution formed by the local community to assist the government in administrative and community services at the lowest level.

My English Journey

 Be Patient

            Patient a simple word but has a large meaning. I have learned English for 6 months. I started my study around on November 2025.   I do everything to improve my English. The begining when I started I thougt it was easy. I was really confident. I was looking for any apps to learning English on youtube. I found some apps like duolinggo and Elsa. With burning spirit I instaled both of. I tried to open. Learned on that apps, but that apps force me to be patient if I wanna use for free. I had to wait if my time is over, because I have limitted acces.  and I was bored then I decided to  uninstall  both of them. I need apps that make me more active and connect with people, because I like sosiality.  Conecting to people who can speak English  make me challenging. I wanna speak with other, improve my English skills , and see people from other countries.

           In the another chance, I tried to looking for another ways to learn and then I fond app to learn. That app was Tandem. Tandem is app to learn language, not just english but we can learn all language in the word. It is not use AI, but it is real conected with people in the world. I fall in love with, because tandem has  the posibility we send message to members around the word. Beside that we can join in the party to improve our language which we learn. In the first I got message from an account named Anakin. He is from India, his name is Harist. He number second in his family. He has special elder brother, and has two younger brother. His father is lawyer and his mother architec and built apartemen then sell . He is good in word, smart, friendly and I like him. He fulfiil my single day. He had been texting me everyday on Desember. He is my fist friend from abroad who  can text eachother. He is smart, sweet and crispy. Sometimes I called him by brondong that meaning is popcorn and he called my granny. It`s so sweet for us. Almost every day we text each other. He undestands my scedule to has message. He often insult me, but I enjoy it. 

            One day we had a miscomunication, I bloked him and deleted our conversation. I tried to look for another friend, but I cant forget him. I was regretful  because deleted his account. I tried search his account but I did not find it. In my hopeless I just prayed that I could see him again. In my hopeless I got a friend from Qatar. He is a bussinesman, mature, single, smart and he is fluent in English. I felt found an English teacher. I was blown away with his English. He promised would teach me English, make video call every day and be patiient with me. I felt I got medicine for my pain because los Harist. I felt I got someone who replaced. 

            He is Mukeem , we moved our conections to green apps. We text every day, sometimes making video call. His English perfect, I was respect him. He told me if his hight was 167 cm, I told him, his brain taller than me. He denied, because every person has their own capability. Then I told " you can measure it" so we were laughing  together. It was sweet moment for me. I improved my English with feeling  happy. I happened around 3 months, and once again I lost him. He wanna be my close friend and make a relationship. I can`t do that because I have a husband, and I wont to cheat on.